Tuesday, December 14, 2004

halelujah! i suis finit avec Algebra! i hate that crap!
i woke up today (wasn't easy) and i was 25. how did this happen? i still feel like an awkward 15 year old girl with pimples and adolescent fat. oh wait--i do still have pimples and adolescent fat. i still feel like the only thing to live for is turning 16 and getting kissed by a cute boy. i still feel like my clothes are never cool enough and if i only trip three times during the day then it's a good day.
while my clothes might come from gap and express, my perfume is from hollister and reads, "for young girls." i like elton john but have a crush on little bow wow. i still like capri suns with the straws and prefer hanging with my sisters than most of my own friends.
i look in the mirror and i still see a teenager with insecurities and passions and dreams for the future that i am presently living out. somebody push back the hand of time and let me be a little girl again. let me be innocent and think that getting my driver's license and an 88 pontiac bonneville is still cool.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

do i really have to go to school? do i really have to make a 75 on this last test in order to pass good for nothing algebra?! how long does stupid person have to study for this crap? i'm losing it. God help me tonight cause I know it won't be by my own power that I do well. He's listening, right?
one more semester, rikki. deep breaths. in and out.
you're gonna be okay. all this hard work is for something. it's more than a diploma, it's more than being in student loan debt, it's more than 6 years of stressing, it's more than never finding a parking spot, it's more than the tickets i rec'd for illegally parking, it's more than late nights and early mornings, it's more than even a 3.5 gpa.
it's a goal. achieved. surpassed. won by me.
it's release. it's freedom. it's wisdom gained and knowledge lost.
it's a step towards locating more of me and what i'm about. still not completely found, but arriving at the slighty cracked door of my soul and smiling because i can see a preview...and the opening credits look good...

Friday, November 26, 2004

i need this venting site. i'm new at this so be patient.
coolest thing to happen for me today...
booking my flight to nyc to watch the ball drop in times square on new year's eve. you only live once on this earth and that is just something i gotta do before i die. even if it means freezing my arse off to do it.
random thought. it's the day after thanksgiving and i have no desire to eat turkey. am i alone on this?